Daughters Who Dare

There’s No Place Like Home

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
So…if I told you that the title of this episode is, “There’s No Place Like Home,” would you close your eyes, click your heels together three times and hope for the best like Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz”? I am quite fortunate. If I did that, I wouldn’t go anywhere. I am already home.
I can relate to Dorothy for many reasons. Here are some of them:
1. I survived a sh*t storm (or life tornado)
2. I ended up somewhere I never expected
3. I found and created a whole new family
4. I made it safely home
Actually, for the past 33 years, I could happily and proudly say, ‘I am home.’ Although I appreciate the four walls around me, home is much deeper than that. For me, home means…
     I am safe.
     I am loved.
     I belong.
There truly is no place like home.

Chalk and Cheese

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Why have I chosen the saying, “We’re like chalk and cheese “ for this episode, you ask? Because it is the best way to describe the stark differences between a narcissistic parent and child. This is a British idiom used to describe two things or people that are COMPLETELY different despite perhaps looking similar. 
On the outside, we both look like humans. But, on the inside, we are chalk and cheese. Chalk is messy, so the narcissists are chalk in this case.
It’s a tricky one, I know. As narcissists can charm the socks off of anyone, many people are unable (or unwilling) to see their ‘chalky characteristics.’ Having said that, very few people would have known that I had been living with narcissistic parents unless I told them.
Suffice it to say, I have no problem seeing, identifying and pointing out the obvious differences. In this episode, I share many of them. Please don’t judge a book by its cover. The chalk is in there. Believe me. I know.

Bitten by a Snake

Living in the UK comes with its perks. Sunshine isn’t one of them (haha). But, knowing that I will never encounter a venomous snake is a perk that I appreciate, even though I don’t often think about it. I can’t say the same about the narcissists in my life. Their bites - both poisonous and repetitive - happen anytime and anywhere.
Unlike most people in the wild, children of narcissists aren’t just thinking/worrying about ONE snake or ONE bite. No such luck! We are wondering when the NEXT bite is coming. For a huge chunk of our lives, we had to live in the snake’s den. Moving out and/or away, however, doesn’t ensure a safe surrounding.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
We must learn to live with the ‘bites and poison,’ along with the scars that are left behind. At the same time, we can learn to focus on the healing. Yes, it’s hard and painful, but it is incredibly liberating as well.
Once you have identified the snake(s) in your life, you have choices to make. Try not to chase the snake. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Focus on the healing. You deserve to live a happy and snake-free life.

Welcome to the Puppet Show

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
One thing that has become perfectly clear to me is that narcissists are great performers. And, just like performers, they need an audience. Narcissistic parents only require an audience of ONE.
These narcissistic performers or, as described in this episode, puppeteers, need a WILLING assistant (puppet). It’s natural to want to place full blame on the puppeteer because it is traditionally their hand…their actions…their script…their voice that controls the puppet. 
I now understand that a narcissistic puppet show is a different act altogether. The WILLING puppet (parent) has choices and free will. No one has a hand up their back.
With that in mind, I can confirm that they are equally responsible, don’t get excuses, don’t deserve hall passes and haven’t earned forgiveness. 
The puppet’s OWN HAND is in all of it.

DR. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde I am Not!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
My birth family has never met me. 
I can hear you saying, “What do you mean? You talk about them on every episode.” Let me clarify.
My birth family have never met the REAL me.
I wasn’t playing roles, nor was I incognito. I have only ever been myself - living my truth and being authentic - but, for some inexplicable reason, they were(and are) unable to see me for who I really am.
I tried to belong. I desperately wanted to be a part of the family. I hung on for too many years, mainly due to the fear of losing my birth family. But, I have realised something that has completely changed my way of thinking.
I didn’t LOSE my family. I never HAD them.
I don’t know why my birth family sees/knows one version of me, whilst my chosen family sees/knows a very different version of me.
However, I DO know which one is the REAL me and that is all that matters.

In The Waiting Room

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Sometimes, I feel like I am sat in an eternal, never-ending waiting room on my own. I am anxiously awaiting my name to be called. I never know when it is going to happen or why. I can’t leave even though I am uncomfortable…so, I wait.
Sitting in that unique, imaginary waiting room evokes a mix of emotions…many of which are similar to our experiences of waiting in a Doctor’s Surgery.
Listen as I explore what sitting with ongoing trauma can look and feel like for children of narcissistic parents.
Dealing with narcissistic parents doesn’t come with a time line or specific treatment plan. There isn’t a pill, an ointment or a plaster big enough for the deep wounds.
It is one reason that the healing process is so unique.
The good news is that I can be sitting in the waiting room and still live a very happy, hopeful and fulfilling life. The reality is painful and unfair - for sure - but we can choose to be happy.  

My Worst Enemy

I have been dealing with my own worst enemy as long as I can remember. If I looked into mirrors, I would see her far too often. But, I didn’t need to see my reflection to know that she was right here. You guessed it! I am talking about me.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
As children, we believe every word our parents say. Why doubt them? We don’t because what they say is the truth…or is it?
For far too long, I believed my narcissistic parents. Eventually, I had to make the conscious choice to NO LONGER BELIEVE. It didn’t happen overnight, but it happened. I now listen to my own voice. I believe my own truth. 
That one choice has changed my life. 
You can choose to do the same. 

How Much Does it Cost

For those navigating toxic, narcissistic family relationships, we are all too aware of the price we have paid and continue to pay.In some very real ways, it feels like we are being robbed every single day.What can cost that much?I am referring to the LOSS that happens when - as a child of narcissists - you choose to stand up, speak out, speak your truth and, if necessary, cut ties altogether.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
The price keeps increasing and the cost gets greater. It’s a gradual process, not happening all at once, like a simple bank transaction.
For me, the cost meant standing alone, which resulted in having no extended family for my children. I used to apologise for that, especially since it was a direct result of my hard choices. No more apologies! I now embrace ‘just us.’I wouldn’t change it for the world because I have everything I need…EVERYONE I need!It’s JUST US.

Who Is Going to Mother Me?

In this episode, I talk about the deep-seated sadness or grief experienced as children of narcissistic parents. It’s a heartache that lasts a lifetime.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
You don’t have to be a parent yourself to ask the question, “Who is going to mother(parent) me?,” yet it is a familiar one asked by those raised by narcissists. We all know that being a child has no age limit. So, it’s not surprising to know that the longing to be mothered (parented) never goes away.I have had to accept the fact that no one is going to parent me. Instead of allowing that truth to rob me of my happiness, I found healthy and hopeful ways to fill in that void.EVERYONE NEEDS/DESERVES TO BE MOTHERED.So, I mother anyone and everyone I meet.It is a genuine ‘heart act’ and it makes me incredibly happy.
 

Mama Bear’s At It Again

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
 
When I imagine myself as a Mama Bear, my mind is filled with animated, Disney-like characters, with a heart-warming soundtrack playing in the background.
However, if you asked my grown children for their versions of me as a Mama Bear, you would be transported to those infamous nature documentaries…the ones that should come with an 18 rating due to the copious amount of blood and guts splattered all over the place.
Don’t worry! I never resorted to intimidation by growling, sharpening my claws or attacking others until their blood was spilt.
As a Mama Bear, I couldn’t help myself. I would do and still do ANYTHING to protect my cubs…especially from the dangerous and unpredictable narcissists in the family.
How I protect them has changed over time, but something else hasn’t. Know that I will not apologise for being the Mama Bear that I am (Disney soundtrack optional).