Daughters Who Dare

OH…THE ABSOLUTE IRONY!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
As I have said in a previous episode, “Keep your receipts!” Receipts come in all shapes and sizes. Some look like damning letters or nasty texts, while others look like a harmless, thoughtful, sincere anniversary card. Looks are deceiving!
(as are those who sent it)
For those in the know, that Hallmark receipt is anything but harmless, thoughtful or sincere. It’s merely a security deposit for my narcissistic parents. They need to keep up appearances for all who ask. It’s important that they can answer, “We send anniversary cards every year. We do our best to stay in touch.”
Oh…the absolute irony!
In the past, picking up that envelope would have ruined my day, sent me down a rabbit hole and reduced me to tears. 
Not anymore! Now, it serves a purpose. Now, I see it for what it really is…validation.
It reminds me that I’m not crazy…they are!

Dear Daughter Part 2 - A Love Letter

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
This love letter may sound different to any you have heard before and that’s okay. This is the only “Dear Daughter” letter I will ever receive, so I poured my whole heart into it.
I imagined myself having a raw, honest, heartfelt conversation with younger me…but…younger me will change, age and transform as the conversation continues. 
Once you have listened to my love letter, I encourage you to do the same. Pick up a pen and paper. Don’t erase. Don’t cross out. Just let the thoughts pour out and be as honest as you can. You don’t have to share it with anyone. That’s your choice. Sometimes, seeing your story in black and white reminds you what you’ve been through and, more importantly, how far you’ve come. 
Survival is exhausting. Trauma is debilitating. So, many of us don’t make time to have these heartfelt conversations with ourselves. I get it. This stuff is hard and ugly and painful. Do yourself a favour. Include all of the good stuff too…like your courage, your hope, your positivity, your good choices, your brave choices. 
You did the work. You’re doing the work. 
Be proud.
I see you. I see a daughter who dares.

Dear Daughter Part 1 - The Struggle Is Real

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
In this episode, I discuss one of the biggest struggles of children raised by narcissists…the struggle for self-love. Although the struggle is real, it does not mean it is impossible or that we are incapable of loving ourselves. Quite the opposite is true. Narcissists do their best to control or manipulate everything, including our self-worth and self-confidence, but they don’t get to define who we are or who we become.
Remember, just like lists of side effects or symptoms of medications or conditions, the lists I provide are just that…suggested lists. You may relate to one, some, none or all.
No matter the number, we can safely say and agree that the struggle for self-love is REAL. In spite of that and in spite of them, we can choose to become happy, hopeful people who love the incredible human beings we have become.

There’s No Place Like Home

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
So…if I told you that the title of this episode is, “There’s No Place Like Home,” would you close your eyes, click your heels together three times and hope for the best like Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz”? I am quite fortunate. If I did that, I wouldn’t go anywhere. I am already home.
I can relate to Dorothy for many reasons. Here are some of them:
1. I survived a sh*t storm (or life tornado)
2. I ended up somewhere I never expected
3. I found and created a whole new family
4. I made it safely home
Actually, for the past 33 years, I could happily and proudly say, ‘I am home.’ Although I appreciate the four walls around me, home is much deeper than that. For me, home means…
     I am safe.
     I am loved.
     I belong.
There truly is no place like home.

Chalk and Cheese

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Why have I chosen the saying, “We’re like chalk and cheese “ for this episode, you ask? Because it is the best way to describe the stark differences between a narcissistic parent and child. This is a British idiom used to describe two things or people that are COMPLETELY different despite perhaps looking similar. 
On the outside, we both look like humans. But, on the inside, we are chalk and cheese. Chalk is messy, so the narcissists are chalk in this case.
It’s a tricky one, I know. As narcissists can charm the socks off of anyone, many people are unable (or unwilling) to see their ‘chalky characteristics.’ Having said that, very few people would have known that I had been living with narcissistic parents unless I told them.
Suffice it to say, I have no problem seeing, identifying and pointing out the obvious differences. In this episode, I share many of them. Please don’t judge a book by its cover. The chalk is in there. Believe me. I know.

Bitten by a Snake

Living in the UK comes with its perks. Sunshine isn’t one of them (haha). But, knowing that I will never encounter a venomous snake is a perk that I appreciate, even though I don’t often think about it. I can’t say the same about the narcissists in my life. Their bites - both poisonous and repetitive - happen anytime and anywhere.
Unlike most people in the wild, children of narcissists aren’t just thinking/worrying about ONE snake or ONE bite. No such luck! We are wondering when the NEXT bite is coming. For a huge chunk of our lives, we had to live in the snake’s den. Moving out and/or away, however, doesn’t ensure a safe surrounding.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
We must learn to live with the ‘bites and poison,’ along with the scars that are left behind. At the same time, we can learn to focus on the healing. Yes, it’s hard and painful, but it is incredibly liberating as well.
Once you have identified the snake(s) in your life, you have choices to make. Try not to chase the snake. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Focus on the healing. You deserve to live a happy and snake-free life.

Welcome to the Puppet Show

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
One thing that has become perfectly clear to me is that narcissists are great performers. And, just like performers, they need an audience. Narcissistic parents only require an audience of ONE.
These narcissistic performers or, as described in this episode, puppeteers, need a WILLING assistant (puppet). It’s natural to want to place full blame on the puppeteer because it is traditionally their hand…their actions…their script…their voice that controls the puppet. 
I now understand that a narcissistic puppet show is a different act altogether. The WILLING puppet (parent) has choices and free will. No one has a hand up their back.
With that in mind, I can confirm that they are equally responsible, don’t get excuses, don’t deserve hall passes and haven’t earned forgiveness. 
The puppet’s OWN HAND is in all of it.

DR. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde I am Not!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
My birth family has never met me. 
I can hear you saying, “What do you mean? You talk about them on every episode.” Let me clarify.
My birth family have never met the REAL me.
I wasn’t playing roles, nor was I incognito. I have only ever been myself - living my truth and being authentic - but, for some inexplicable reason, they were(and are) unable to see me for who I really am.
I tried to belong. I desperately wanted to be a part of the family. I hung on for too many years, mainly due to the fear of losing my birth family. But, I have realised something that has completely changed my way of thinking.
I didn’t LOSE my family. I never HAD them.
I don’t know why my birth family sees/knows one version of me, whilst my chosen family sees/knows a very different version of me.
However, I DO know which one is the REAL me and that is all that matters.

In The Waiting Room

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Sometimes, I feel like I am sat in an eternal, never-ending waiting room on my own. I am anxiously awaiting my name to be called. I never know when it is going to happen or why. I can’t leave even though I am uncomfortable…so, I wait.
Sitting in that unique, imaginary waiting room evokes a mix of emotions…many of which are similar to our experiences of waiting in a Doctor’s Surgery.
Listen as I explore what sitting with ongoing trauma can look and feel like for children of narcissistic parents.
Dealing with narcissistic parents doesn’t come with a time line or specific treatment plan. There isn’t a pill, an ointment or a plaster big enough for the deep wounds.
It is one reason that the healing process is so unique.
The good news is that I can be sitting in the waiting room and still live a very happy, hopeful and fulfilling life. The reality is painful and unfair - for sure - but we can choose to be happy.  

My Worst Enemy

I have been dealing with my own worst enemy as long as I can remember. If I looked into mirrors, I would see her far too often. But, I didn’t need to see my reflection to know that she was right here. You guessed it! I am talking about me.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
As children, we believe every word our parents say. Why doubt them? We don’t because what they say is the truth…or is it?
For far too long, I believed my narcissistic parents. Eventually, I had to make the conscious choice to NO LONGER BELIEVE. It didn’t happen overnight, but it happened. I now listen to my own voice. I believe my own truth. 
That one choice has changed my life. 
You can choose to do the same.