Daughters Who Dare

I Kid You Not!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
When most people think of their childhood fears, many lists would include monsters, ghosts, spiders and being in the dark. But, depending on anyone’s particular childhood experience, there may be a specific item that does not appear on anyone else’s list.
I have one such item.
For most of my life, I kept my greatest fear to myself, hoping and praying that it would never come true. 
It all stemmed from one question, “Who is going to believe me, anyway?” It is only when I found someone who believed me…truly believed me AND in me…that I could erase that fear from my list. Next item-frogs.

GIVEN OR CHOSEN: WHO SITS AT YOUR TABLE?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Most often, when we attend a wedding, we have no say in the seating arrangements. As a result, many of us have spent entire days making small talk and experiencing awkward gaps in conversations. Weddings only last a day. Phew!Life can be cruel. For nearly half of my life, the people who sat at my table were GIVEN to me. If I was surrounded by strangers, the alienation and loneliness would have made sense. I always showed up - whatever the event - and I was showing up alone. In order for things to change, I had to take ownership of my table. Name cards were removed. Each new card was written by me as each guest was CHOSEN by me. Now, when I come to the table, I see those I chose to be with. I no longer allow life to make the seating arrangements. I hold the pen.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Can we talk about voices?
How often do we stop and think about how much voices matter in our lives? It would be safe to say we all have certain voices we long to hear, while others we dread hearing…even for a moment. Whether those voices are heard - literally - or can only be heard in our minds, they can turn our world upside down. Sadly, for children of narcissistic parents, time nor distance can MUTE the undesired, uninvited, hurtful voices. However, there is one, HUGE, silver lining. The words will be heard but don’t have to be believed.  I still hear my parents’ voices - inside and out - but I don’t believe a word they say. 

It’s An Emotional Tug Of War

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Winning Tug of War is dependent on several factors, such as:  an equal distribution of strength, the readiness of both parties and pre-existing wounds or scars. As a child of narcissistic parents, there isn’t a referee handy to check and monitor the equality, readiness or limitations of both parties, which creates an emotional imbalance from the start.
So much of this emotional tug of war just doesn’t make sense. Throughout the years, I have learned how to let go of the rope - to disengage - giving me time to reflect, change perspectives and to heal. It has made such a difference. Perhaps it is time for you to put down the rope and step away. I mean…we never asked to participate in this crazy game. 

This Doesn’t Get Easier. You Get Stronger

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
FACT:  Some things in life DO get easier. Being a child of narcissistic parents isn’t one of them. Sorry. 
Time, experience, learned wisdom and repetition can make learning a skill, raising a child or facing a tech demon not only bearable but - dare I say - easy. The same can not be said for these unique family relationships. This doesn’t get easier.  You get stronger. In spite of it all, you can choose positivity, hope and happiness. You can engage with the world wide community, hearing other stories, collecting strategies and sound advice, all while being reminded that you are not alone. While I had to muddle alone, this generation has the internet at their fingertips. Seek, share, listen and learn.
Together we can change this from mission impossible to mission possible.
 

Don’t Panic! It’s Just a Warning Light.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Life sends us ‘warning lights’ from time to time. Their intended purpose is to give us a gentle nudge, reminding us that something may need a bit of attention, a tweak, a ‘topping up,’ or a few new questions answered. I try not to panic each time one appears, but I often do. When they light up on my dashboard, I speed dial the garage. However, when my heart acts as a dashboard, I ‘pull over,’ immediately addressing the doubts, the questions, the what ifs, the choices I made, the person I’ve become. 
Most days, I coast along. But, as I am a mere human, there will still be panic moments. I must remind myself that it is just a warning light. I’ve got this. 
From now on, I promise to give myself grace.

Were They Absent On That Day?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
No matter how little my grandparents had in their childhood (more than 100 years ago), there was one thing they definitely DID HAVE - a sense of right and wrong.
As discussed in previous episodes, one element of narcissistic parenting that will NEVER be understood is their ability to cheat morality…even though it has been around since the beginning of time.
The conclusion I have drawn is not only were they absent the day it was taught, but, while playing hooky, they wrote their own ‘moral code.’
When I look at my notes, I am reminded that if I do it once, it is a mistake. If I do it more than once, it is a choice. Their notes, however, make no sense at all.
I am left with many questions, but at least I know the difference between right and wrong. They don’t. Those poor, unfortunate souls.

All I Want For Christmas Is…

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Unless you grew up under a rock, every holiday comes with a huge bubble of expectations…like one of those massive balloons filled with confetti. But, as a child of narcissistic parents, the mere mention of holidays can cause anxiety, fear, stress, worry or dread…all of that just in the lead up to the big day…in the ‘sleeps’ before it’s finally here.
Most of the holidays are like speed bumps. We are expected to slow down, acknowledge that they are here and get over them without much effort. But, Christmas is definitely in a league of its own. For many, it becomes a survival game rather than a reason to celebrate.
All I want for Christmas is for you to hope, believe and celebrate. I want you to know the magic that you deserve.

No Cape - No Problem

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
The bottom line is… I could have become bitter. (I suppose there’s still time. ha ha) Instead, I chose to become better…a choice I have made over and over again. How? I have acquired ‘super powers.’ Okay. I’m not invisible, nor can I fly, but I can detect a lie from miles away. BAM! And, I am fearless in the presence of my enemies. KA-POW!
Although I have plenty of reasons to become bitter, I used my homegrown ‘super powers’ to focus on the things and people I do have and chose to develop the goodness within. Was it easy? Hell no! Was it worth it? 100%.
How did you escape the bitter bullet?

Were Mine Drawn With Invisible Ink?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Instead of acknowledging and respecting boundaries, narcissistic parents move them, swap them, erase them, ignore them or create something new in their place…all to suit their plans…their strategies…their needs.
Boundaries aren’t invisible lines. They help us establish respect and trust, as well as create a safe space. So, when lines are crossed - emotionally and physically - trust can diminish or disappear altogether. As a result, nothing is sacred and nowhere is safe. That’s why I’m convinced that, as a child of narcissistic parents, my boundaries must have been drawn with invisible ink. How else could I explain why they didn’t see them?