Daughters Who Dare

It’s the Longest Egg and Spoon Race

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
At times, I feel like 5 year old me, standing at the start line of the Egg and Spoon Race. The difference is, I am no longer carrying a raw egg, but rather my trauma, which often makes me feel fragile, vulnerable and easy to break. I carry it with due care. I must carry it alone. I mustn’t drop it until the finish line. So far, my race has lasted nearly 60 years. Unlike 5 year old me, I can step back and see the bigger picture. When I am given the luxury of time, head space and the room to process, I can eventually see the humour where it is acceptable.

No Room For Guilt

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
As a confident, articulate child of narcissistic parents, I open the door - wide open - during conversations about family relationships. The question I am asked the most is, “Will you feel guilty if/when your parents become ill or when they die?” My answer is always the same. “There will be no room for guilt.” Will there be tears? Most definitely…for all that could have been…under different circumstances. Instead of guilt, I will experience peace (as I already do), knowing that I did everything I could.

I Never Said You Had to Choose

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Why has the image of ‘the black sheep’ lasted so long? It is easier to identify that family member as the one who ‘doesn’t fit in’ or ‘doesn’t quite belong.’ Separation is the key. Other family members would rather let the black sheep get on with their own life than jeopardise their designated place in the flock. Having said that, it is possible to be an ally to the target child in the family. Some ways require little or no effort, while others take tremendous bravery and courage. The target child doesn’t make anyone choose. There are no ultimatums on the table. So, it is up to the ally to define their involvement. A shout out to all those who have chosen to be an ally. It takes someone special…someone with courage…to stand with the target child of the narcissist.

Is This My Life or a Haunted Fun House?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Trauma isn’t just what happened to us, but also what doesn’t happen to us, including missed opportunities, especially in childhood. There won’t always be triggers as reminders as so much of that trauma already lives within us.
Our bodies respond to trauma in many ways. Some are obvious, however, many become invaluable, built-in ways to keep us alert and keep us safe. These responses are not excuses, nor are they choices…most of the time. Rather than waiting for triggers, we must learn to listen to our bodies as they store, manifest, process and release the trauma that has become an undeniable part of who we are. We must be ready at all times. I’m ready!
I hold the key to my haunted fun house and there isn’t a clown in sight.

What's in Your Toolbox

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
I am incredibly curious. How do some people manage not just to survive but to thrive? What tools do they have in their tool box? That is one HUGE philosophical question. When I take a peek into my tool box, I see the ones I have collected throughout my lifetime. Each tool comes with memories, emotions and names of those who helped me to collect them. I wouldn’t be here without them.
But, my tool box does not protect me from other options, other choices or other habits that may feel easier or quicker in the moment. At any point in my life, addictions could have replaced any or all of those tools. The struggle is real. How did I survive and thrive? I carry my tool box with me wherever I go. I am proud of the tools I have collected but I have plenty of room for more.

Standing Here Thinking, “What Have I Done?”

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Hindsight can be a lovely thing…or not. When I look back on my journey, on the mountain I have climbed, the one that involved navigating relationships with narcissistic parents, I can SEE the same view but FEEL completely different emotions. The mountain I climbed hasn’t changed. I have. When I listen to other voices, I hear them say, “Well, you did that! You made that happen!
It’s all on you!” Some days, those words become fuel for my fire of doubt. But, on other days, those words become reminders of all I have achieved and all I have become. When I listen to my own voice, I hear myself ask, “Would I do it all again?” And, without hesitation, I answer, “YES!” What have I done? I have dared to live a life filled with honesty, humour and hope. That’s what I’ve done.

It's Not For The Faint of Heart (Part Two)

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
NO CONTACT must be one of the most complex topics, especially when referring to parental relationships. When I made the decision to go NO CONTACT, it was the first time in my life that I was telling my mother how things were going to be. I was the one dictating what our relationship would look like…non-existent.
That worked for me. But, did it work for her?
Well, the best way I can answer that is things got messy. It wasn’t just about the two of us. The decision would impact the entire family. I am still facing the consequences and counting the cost . . . but, my decision still stands.
Now, two episodes later, can you see why I say it isn’t for the faint of heart?

It's Not For The Faint of Heart (Part One)

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
As the Queen of Analogies, I offer two more scenarios that relate to the experience of being a child of a narcissistic parent: sailing solo around the world and climbing Mount Everest. Unlike the trained sailor, I was ‘put’ in my boat to sail alone without any skills, instructor, compass or even oars for that matter. And, like the skilled climber, I was left to face so many elements, most of them out of my control.
Why those examples, you ask? It refers to my decision to go NO CONTACT. This episode isn’t about defining that term, but rather exploring what it means, uncovering its many layers and processing all that it uncovers. Everyone’s experience of NO CONTACT will look different. That’s okay. It is such a complex topic and a HUGE decision. Let’s sail this ship and climb this mountain together.

So Many Missed Memories

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Why is it that, in the English language, there aren’t more words for grief, especially since there are so many different kinds?
As a child of a narcissist, I refer to the most difficult, confusing, inexplicable grief as missed moments. That grief stings the most because a) the other person is still alive b) the other person is cognitively aware of their actions and c) I had to watch my parent create memories with other people…three of whom were my siblings.
Knowing and accepting the fact that I was stuck with my narcissistic parent was my first real experience of grief…a grief I have carried with me all my life. How I wish there was a word big enough to describe and explain that type of grief.

Say It... I Dare You!

Say It…I Dare You!
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Cliches have a lot to answer for. Although they usually come from a good place and are well-intentioned, they aren’t often received in the same way.
When I tell someone that I no longer have a relationship with a family member, I brace myself and wait for them to say, “Life is too short.” I want to scream, “Too short for what?” but, instead I calmly reply, “It was a last resort. I have tried everything…absolutely everything.” Believe me.