Daughters Who Dare

The Tip of the Iceberg

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
One word that has been with me…every step of the way…is BELIEVE. It isn’t  just  about others believing me or believing in me, but is also about my journey of self-belief. I learned, early on, that trying to convince narcissistic parents to see the real me and recognise my truth was a hopeless cause. I had to look outside my given family to find those willing to listen. When people responded with doubt, needed proof or offered patronising solutions, I shut down. Eventually, I found those trusted souls who listened, accepted and believed.
Be that person.
Be the one who believes.

It’s MY pen, MY ink, MY paper

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
We all have a story to tell. 
But, that doesn’t mean we HAVE to tell it.
Some stories have been written and never told…ever. Some have been told to a few trusted souls. And, some have been shared publicly, having been documented in print and/or on the screen.There was a HUGE shift in my life when I realised that I get to choose my own narrative…when I acknowledged and believed that it is MY story to tell and only I get to hold the pen. Some of you may be thinking, “Isn’t that obvious? Of course it’s yours!” I hear you. I understand your confusion.In my defense, my life story didn’t always feel like mine. At times, others took the pen right out of my hand, created their own plots, fabricated their own version of events and sprinkled the pages with their lies.
Not any more.
I am the one and only author of my story.

I Hold Mine Close to My Chest

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
I believe everyone has one.
I say one, but, make no mistake. That one can encompass a minefield of things.
They can be played…and, goodness me…are they played! But, the many facets of who, why and when they are laid on the table can make all the difference.
Ironically, we don’t often see them. If we stood in a large circle in a room full of friends and strangers - and threw them all into a huge pile - I would dare say we would struggle to match each one with its corresponding owner… whether we knew each other or not. 
What am I talking about?
You’ll just have to listen to find out. 

LOOK AT ME NOW!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
We all have a mountain to climb.
I feel like I am on the top of the mountain-the same mountain I have been climbing all my life. I look down and see many more climbers - all doing their best to overcome obstacles, face their demons and beat the odds, while demonstrating resilience and determination. I find myself shouting words of encouragement and affirmation - wanting each climber to believe…to hope…and dig deeper when they feel discouraged. I wish I could just throw them a rope - a lifeline of sorts - and pull them up with me…saving them the pain, frustration and heartache…but, I can’t.
We all have a mountain to climb.
We can do it! We’ve got this!
Look at us now!

Pick a Card, Any Card

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Ever since I can remember, I have been an inquisitive person. Call me Nancy Drew. (just like the fictional character in those books written by Carolyn Keene and others)
When I began to recognise how different my mom was and, more importantly how different she was treating me, I wanted to know WHY. But, unlike Nancy’s, my investigation couldn’t be solved. Instead of clarity and clues, I ended up collecting more confusion. The biggest problem was, I didn’t know what I was looking for. Most children would have asked their parents for help. That wasn’t an option. 
One thing was for sure, my mother’s narcissistic traits were only one spoke of her wheel of maternal madness. I had to identify, decipher, cope with and attempt to understand all of her spokes at once. I couldn’t just pick one.
What would Nancy do?

I Kid You Not!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
When most people think of their childhood fears, many lists would include monsters, ghosts, spiders and being in the dark. But, depending on anyone’s particular childhood experience, there may be a specific item that does not appear on anyone else’s list.
I have one such item.
For most of my life, I kept my greatest fear to myself, hoping and praying that it would never come true. 
It all stemmed from one question, “Who is going to believe me, anyway?” It is only when I found someone who believed me…truly believed me AND in me…that I could erase that fear from my list. Next item-frogs.

GIVEN OR CHOSEN: WHO SITS AT YOUR TABLE?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Most often, when we attend a wedding, we have no say in the seating arrangements. As a result, many of us have spent entire days making small talk and experiencing awkward gaps in conversations. Weddings only last a day. Phew!Life can be cruel. For nearly half of my life, the people who sat at my table were GIVEN to me. If I was surrounded by strangers, the alienation and loneliness would have made sense. I always showed up - whatever the event - and I was showing up alone. In order for things to change, I had to take ownership of my table. Name cards were removed. Each new card was written by me as each guest was CHOSEN by me. Now, when I come to the table, I see those I chose to be with. I no longer allow life to make the seating arrangements. I hold the pen.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Can we talk about voices?
How often do we stop and think about how much voices matter in our lives? It would be safe to say we all have certain voices we long to hear, while others we dread hearing…even for a moment. Whether those voices are heard - literally - or can only be heard in our minds, they can turn our world upside down. Sadly, for children of narcissistic parents, time nor distance can MUTE the undesired, uninvited, hurtful voices. However, there is one, HUGE, silver lining. The words will be heard but don’t have to be believed.  I still hear my parents’ voices - inside and out - but I don’t believe a word they say. 

It’s An Emotional Tug Of War

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Winning Tug of War is dependent on several factors, such as:  an equal distribution of strength, the readiness of both parties and pre-existing wounds or scars. As a child of narcissistic parents, there isn’t a referee handy to check and monitor the equality, readiness or limitations of both parties, which creates an emotional imbalance from the start.
So much of this emotional tug of war just doesn’t make sense. Throughout the years, I have learned how to let go of the rope - to disengage - giving me time to reflect, change perspectives and to heal. It has made such a difference. Perhaps it is time for you to put down the rope and step away. I mean…we never asked to participate in this crazy game. 

This Doesn’t Get Easier. You Get Stronger

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
FACT:  Some things in life DO get easier. Being a child of narcissistic parents isn’t one of them. Sorry. 
Time, experience, learned wisdom and repetition can make learning a skill, raising a child or facing a tech demon not only bearable but - dare I say - easy. The same can not be said for these unique family relationships. This doesn’t get easier.  You get stronger. In spite of it all, you can choose positivity, hope and happiness. You can engage with the world wide community, hearing other stories, collecting strategies and sound advice, all while being reminded that you are not alone. While I had to muddle alone, this generation has the internet at their fingertips. Seek, share, listen and learn.
Together we can change this from mission impossible to mission possible.