Daughters Who Dare

How Much Does it Cost

For those navigating toxic, narcissistic family relationships, we are all too aware of the price we have paid and continue to pay.In some very real ways, it feels like we are being robbed every single day.What can cost that much?I am referring to the LOSS that happens when - as a child of narcissists - you choose to stand up, speak out, speak your truth and, if necessary, cut ties altogether.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
The price keeps increasing and the cost gets greater. It’s a gradual process, not happening all at once, like a simple bank transaction.
For me, the cost meant standing alone, which resulted in having no extended family for my children. I used to apologise for that, especially since it was a direct result of my hard choices. No more apologies! I now embrace ‘just us.’I wouldn’t change it for the world because I have everything I need…EVERYONE I need!It’s JUST US.

Who Is Going to Mother Me?

In this episode, I talk about the deep-seated sadness or grief experienced as children of narcissistic parents. It’s a heartache that lasts a lifetime.
Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
You don’t have to be a parent yourself to ask the question, “Who is going to mother(parent) me?,” yet it is a familiar one asked by those raised by narcissists. We all know that being a child has no age limit. So, it’s not surprising to know that the longing to be mothered (parented) never goes away.I have had to accept the fact that no one is going to parent me. Instead of allowing that truth to rob me of my happiness, I found healthy and hopeful ways to fill in that void.EVERYONE NEEDS/DESERVES TO BE MOTHERED.So, I mother anyone and everyone I meet.It is a genuine ‘heart act’ and it makes me incredibly happy.
 

Mama Bear’s At It Again

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
 
When I imagine myself as a Mama Bear, my mind is filled with animated, Disney-like characters, with a heart-warming soundtrack playing in the background.
However, if you asked my grown children for their versions of me as a Mama Bear, you would be transported to those infamous nature documentaries…the ones that should come with an 18 rating due to the copious amount of blood and guts splattered all over the place.
Don’t worry! I never resorted to intimidation by growling, sharpening my claws or attacking others until their blood was spilt.
As a Mama Bear, I couldn’t help myself. I would do and still do ANYTHING to protect my cubs…especially from the dangerous and unpredictable narcissists in the family.
How I protect them has changed over time, but something else hasn’t. Know that I will not apologise for being the Mama Bear that I am (Disney soundtrack optional).

It’s Time to Flip It

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
I know many people who detest swearing. I’m not one of them. I don’t swear to intentionally offend, upset or embarrass someone. But, I believe there are far uglier, more offensive and degrading words than the ones in my pirate vocabulary.
One of the nastiest words - in my opinion - isn’t even a four letter word. It has five letters.
SHAME.
I carried that word and everything that goes with it, like a rucksack filled with rocks, for the majority of my life. That load was HEAVY!
The good news is that I don’t carry it anymore. When I realised (and believed) that all of that stuff happened TO me…not BECAUSE of me…I could finally take off the rucksack of shame. My rejoicing doesn’t end there. I have gone one giant leap further. I decided to flip it! I now say, out loud and with conviction, 
“SHAME ON YOU!”
Go on! Say it! Place the blame and shame where it rightfully belongs. They aren’t yours to carry. 

Nowhere is Safe

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Narcissistic parents often choose to cross, ignore or erase one boundary…the EMOTIONAL boundary…and that is one too many. They do everything in their power to engage in emotional warfare. As the parent, they know their child’s weaknesses all too well, so will be sure to choose their words carefully…pushing as many buttons and pulling as many heartstrings as possible.
My mind was the first boundary that was non-existent for my mom. But, she didn’t stop there. She didn’t acknowledge boundaries AT ALL, becoming what I call a ‘free range parent.’
In her sick and twisted brain, my mind AND body were her property. For me and me alone, nowhere was safe.
Crossing emotional boundaries was/is bad enough. But, choosing to cross, ignore and erase all boundaries has left me with more scars than I can count. 
 

No is a Complete Sentence

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
In this episode, I am going to explore why a certain two letter word used to get stuck in my throat.
As a child of narcissistic parents, NO really wasn’t an option. In my mind, that would lead to more rejection, more arguments and more alienation. However, once I realised that I was on this emotional rollercoaster ride ALONE, I knew that I had to speak up and stand up for myself. I had to have my own back.
I can’t put a finger on exactly when there was a HUGE shift in my thinking. It was gradual and took many years…which included many tears, much heartache, endless conversations, serious disappointment and TONS OF LOSS.
I can now say - wholeheartedly - that NO is a complete sentence. I hope you can come to the same conclusion…in your own time…in your own way.
Learn to say NO. Full stop.
 

Love Fiercely

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
Can you believe it? We are celebrating 50 episodes of Daughters Who Dare!
In this episode, I am sharing a short story I felt compelled to write. I listened to my heart and put the words down on paper. 
Have a listen.
I hope it helps to demonstrate how it felt and continues to feel to be a daughter of narcissistic parents. The short story ends, but my story doesn’t end there. It happens again…and again…and again.
Due to the endless ‘heart invasions’ I have experienced, I knew one thing for sure. If I was blessed to have children, I would choose to love them fiercely. 
I was blessed. I am blessed.
I chose AND choose to love my children fiercely…NO MATTER WHAT!
 
 

Piece by Piece

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
We spend our lifetime ‘building ourselves’ …who we are - what we believe - what we think - who and what we love…and so on. If we step back a moment and look at what we’ve built - or should I say - who we built, we can be proud of the person we built…the person we have become. Whether we do that at 18, 25, 30, 40 or 60, the bubble of pride can be popped instantly. In this episode, the pin holder is the narcissist parent (no surprise there!)
Like a human wrecking ball, they can reduce our self-worth to a pile of rubble. They can cause total destruction or knock us off balance. Either way, we are left to rebuild…piece by piece. And, to make things worse, we never know when it is going to happen.
It could be a social media post, a letter, a phone call, a text message, a song or nothing out of the ordinary. Others may find any of these insignificant. I am not others.
I am not going to apologise for my reaction. I will not be ashamed of the way it makes me feel. I will, however, give myself permission to feel ALL of the feels. 

My Soapbox Moment

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
For the purpose of this episode, I want you to imagine me stood on my soapbox. 
I am about to preach!
I say these things to all of us…including me.
Having reached the ripe old age of 60, I have come to many conclusions. Today, I present you with 10 of them. I encourage you to listen and - if you want - take notes. 
Once the episode is finished, I challenge you to do the same. You may not feel confident to go public. That’s okay. Instead, stand in front of your bathroom mirror and preach your truths.
Create your own soapbox moment. Sometimes, we all need to hear our own voice.

Living with my Choices

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.
In this episode, I am discussing the biggest decision I ever had to make and, the crazy thing is, I had to make it on four separate occasions. 
No one can tell you if, how or when to do it.
I am going to walk you through each decision…all 4 of them…because they all happened at different stages of my life and each one was unique. 
How did I come to my decision to go No Contact with my narcissistic parents? You’ll have to listen to find out. Remember, I had no example to follow. I had no one cheering for me on the sidelines and I had no podcast to listen to. Haha. With each decision came some BIG FEELS. Some of mine may surprise you. The bottom line is I am proud that I made those choices. 
However, I am still learning how to live with my choices.